Monday, November 11, 2013

La conciencia (良心)

Ana Maria Matute (アナ マリア マトゥテ)


She could not more . She was convinced that she could not resist any longer the presence of that hateful bum. I was determined to finish . Done with it , however bad it was, rather than endure their tyranny .

He had about fifteen days in that struggle. What we did not realize was Antonio tolerance for this man. No: truly , it was strange .

The wanderer asked hospitality for one night : the night of Ash Wednesday , exactly , when you beat the wind dragging a black dust , swirling , whipping the window glass with a crack dry. Then the wind ceased. Strange calm came to earth, and she thought , as she closed the shutters and adjusted :

_I do not like this calm .

Indeed , not even the pin had thrown the door when that man arrived . He heard her call ringing back in the hatch of the kitchen :

_Posadera ...

Mariana was startled.  The man, old and ragged , was there, with the hat in hand, in the act of begging.

_God Will protect him ... _ began to say. But little eyes of the bum watched him in a strange way . The way to cut the words .

Many men as he asked  for the grace of the roof in the winter nights . But there was something in that bum that scared for no reason. The bum began reciting his chant : " For one night, let him sleep in the stable , a piece of bread and the stable : not asking more . It heralded the storm ... " .

In fact, out there, Mariana heard the beating of the rain against the timbers of the door.

A dull rain , thick ; announcement of the next storm .
_I am alone, said Mariana dryly __ . I mean ... when my husband is on the road, I do not want strangers in house. Go away, and God help you .

But the bum was still looking at her. Slowly, he put on his hat , and said :

_I am a poor old man, innkeeper . I never hurt anyone. I ask very little : only a piece of bread ...

At that time the two maids , Marcelina and Salome came running . They came from the garden, with the apron over the head , screaming and laughing. Mariana felt a strange relief to see them.

_Well,   said    OK   ... But just for tonight . The morning when I wake up I will not find you here ...

The old man leaned , smiling , and said a strange ballad of gratitude. 

Mariana went upstairs and went to bed . During the night the storm hit the windows of the bedroom and had a bad sleep.

The next morning , going down to the kitchen ,  the clock on the dresser gave 8 o'clock. Upon entering, she was surprised and irritated. Sitting at the table , quiet and restful , the bum was eating breakfast sumptuously : fried eggs, a large piece of fresh bread , wine ... Mariana felt a backlash of anger , perhaps mingled with fear, and confronted with Salome , who quietly worked hard at the fireplace. 

_ Salomé ! _ Said, and her voice sounded rough , dura_ . Who ordered you to give this man ... and how come he has not left at dawn ?

Her words were cut , tangled , by rage that was dominating. Salome remained her mouth open, with skimming spoon up that was dripping to the floor.

But I,  _ ... _ said . He told me ...

The bum  was up and slowly wiped his lips with his sleeve.

_Señora _ _ Said , lady, you do not remember ... you said last night: " Give a bed in the loft to the poor old man , and feed him as he requested ." Did not Mrs. innkeeper said that last night ? I  heard that well and clear ... Or is regretful now?

Mariana wanted to say something , but suddenly the voice had frozen . The old man looked at her intensely with his small black and penetrating eyes.  She half turned and upset , and walked out the kitchen door to the garden .

The day dawned gray , but the rain had stopped . Mariana shivered . The grass was drenched , and far over there, the road was erased in a subtle haze . Behind her, she heard the voice of the old man, and inadvertently , hands pressed against each other.

_I want to tell you something, lady innkeeper ... Something unimportant .

Mariana sat still , looking down the road .

_I am an old bum... but sometimes , the old bums inform about the things. Yes : I was there. I saw it, lady innkeeper . I saw with these eyes ...

Mariana opened her mouth . But he could not say anything .

_ What are you talking about there, dog? _ _ Said . I warn you that my husband will come with the car at ten, and one can not put up with jokes of anyone anymore !

_yes  I already know it , I know you can not take jokes from anyone! _said the bum. therefore I do not want you to know ... nothing that I saw that day . Is not it true ?

Mariana turned quickly . The anger was gone . Her heart was pounding , confused.

" What does it say ? What do you know ... ? What did you see ? " But tied his tongue. She just looked at him , full of hate and fear. The old man smiled with his dirty and toothless gums. 

_I will stay here a while, good innkeeper : yes, a time to regain strength until the sun returns . Because I am old and I have very tired legs . Very tired ...

Mariana burst to ran. The wind , fine , gave her in face. When she reached the edge of the well, she stopped. The heart seemed to pop out of the chest.

That was the first day. Then came Antonio with the car. Antonio went up  Palomar goods every week . Besides innkeepers , they had the only shop in the village. His house, wide and large , surrounded by the garden , was at the entrance of town. They lived well off in the village and Antonio was famous for rich. " Fame rich " thought Mariana uneasy . Since the arrival hateful bum, was pale , listless . " And if it were not, would I have married him , perhaps ." No, it was not difficult to understand why she had married brutal man , who was fourteen years older than her .Yes, everyone in town knows it and said that she is pretty. Also Constantino, who was in love with her. But Constantino was a simple sharecropper, like her. and she was tired of going hungry, and works, and sorrows. Yes, she was tired of. That is why she married with Antonio. 

Mariana felt a strange tremor . It was almost fifteen days that the old man entered the inn .

He slept , ate and deloused shamelessly to the sun , at times when he shines, together with the garden door. The first day Antonio asked :

_ And that, he paints there?

_ _I Felt sorry she said, squeezing between the fingers the fringes of her shawl_ . He's so old

And such a bad weather ...

Antonio said nothing. He thought he was going to the old bum to drive him there. And she ran upstairs . She was scared. Yes : she was very afraid ... " If the old saw Constantine up to chestnut tree , under the window. If he saw him jump into the room, the nights that Antonio with the car was going on the way ... " . Which could mean , if not, with what I saw of all, yes, I saw with my own eyes ? "

I could not more . No: could not go . The old man was not confined to living in the house. He demanded money now. He had begun to ask for money , too. And the strange thing is that Antonio did not speak of him . He would just ignore him. Only, from time to time , looking at her .

Mary felt the firmness of her big eyes , black and shining , and trembled .

That afternoon Antonio was leaving for Palomar . Was finishing yoking the mules to the carriage, and heard the voices of young mixed to Salome , who helped him . Mariana felt cold. " I can not. I can not anymore . Living like that is impossible. I'll tell you to leave , you leave. Life is not life with this threat. " She felt sick . Sick with fear. What Constantine , by his fear, had ceased. She could not see it. The only thought made ​​her teeth chatter . She knew that Antonio  would kill her. she was sure he would kill her . She knew him well .

When he saw the cart disappearing down the road down to the kitchen . The old dozing by the fire. I looked , and said, " If I kill you value ." There were the iron tongs , at your fingertips. But he would not. I knew I could not. " I'm a coward. I'm a coward and I have a great love of life . " It lost it : " This love of life ... " .

_Viejo _ Exclaimed . Although quietly spoke , the tramp opened one of his small malicious . " No sleep " __ , Mariana said . " I was not sleeping . It is an old fox " .
_ Said _le _Ven me . I have to talk .

The old man followed her into the well. There Mariana turned to him .

_Puedes Do whatever you want , dog . You can tell everything to my husband , if you like. But you 're leaving . I leave this house , then ...

The old man paused a few seconds. Then he smiled .

_ When Mr. innkeeper again ?

Mariana was white . The old man looked at his beautiful face, bags under his eyes . He had lost weight .

_ Go _ _ Mariana said . Go right away.

She was determined . Yes : in her eyes I read the Tramp , was determined and desperate. He had experience and knew those eyes. " There's nothing to do ," he said , philosophically.

"It ended while. They ended up hearty meals , mattress , shelter .

Go ahead, old dog , go ahead. There you go. "

_ Well _ _This said . I 'll go. But he will know everything.

Mariana was silent . Perhaps he was even paler . Suddenly, the old man had a slight fear : " This is capable of doing something big . Yes : it's those people who hangs on a tree or something like that . " He felt pity. He was young , still, and beautiful.

_Bueno _ _ Said . He has won the lady innkeeper . I'm ... what can we do ? The truth never did too excited ... Of course I had a great time here. Do not forget stews vinito Salome nor Mr. innkeeper ... I will not forget . I'm going .

_Ahora Same _ said she , in haste _ . Now, go ...And you can run, if you want to catch up to him! You can run with your stories dirty old dog ...

The tramp smiled sweetly. He picked up his staff and his bag . I was going to leave, but , as in the stockade became :

_Naturalmente , Lady innkeeper , I saw nothing . Come : do not even know if there was anything to see. But I have many years down the road ,many years down the road ! No one in the world with pure consciousness , not even children . No -not even children , beautiful innkeeper

Look at a child's eyes , and say, "I know everything! Go carefully ... " . And the boy tremble . Tremble like you, beautiful innkeeper .

Mariana felt something strange, like a crack in the heart . Do not know if it was bitter, or filled with a violent joy. I did not. He moved his lips and started to say something . But the old tramp closed the door of the stockade behind him, and turned to face her. His laugh was evil , saying:

_A Advice, innkeeper : watch your Antonio . Yes : Mr. innkeeper also has reasons for allowing idleness at home to old beggars . Very good reasons , I swear , by the way I looked !

The fog , by the way, was thick , it was low. Mariana saw him go, until lost in the distance.


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